Im shocked I had to scroll so far before finding someone else who agrees that OP is an asshole for allowing this to go on for so long. I doubt anyone here would find the choice so easy if they got stuck with it either. Last week, They took Tim on a 3 day trip and hid his inhaler, he left them and returned in 7hrs and told me, I was seething after he said they admitted to hiding it as a "challenge", I exploded on them when they returned. They took Tim on a 3 day trip and hid his inhaler. Throughout my life he was forcing me to take sides in wars I should've never been involved in but at 19 I finally refused to take a side. NTA. Her future husband should have joined in and told OPs family hes no longer participating in their ridiculous tests. I feel bad for OP because this kind of thing is normal for them. Honestly.. ESH except for your fianc because you let them abuse him for so long. Who thought it was a great idea for an asthmatic person to go on a 3 day trip with 4 individuals who had already slashed his tires to "see what type of man he is"? I admittedly have had a few fights with my dad about how I think she treats me and my brother and sister. They dont seem to have any!! People really act like this? They just sound like a bunch of assholes!! Yeah, shes a damn hero /s. Typical snowflakes if you ask me. NTA. I hope you and your soon to be husband have a wonderful life together OP! Be a man!!!. If YOU don't drive a wedge between you and your family over this, what kind of partner would you be? The only difference is, I was about 13 when I was forced to realize my father was a terrible, manipulative man. My mother tried but my stepdad did not. Ngl he did what he could to help me out with school and everything, he even offered to fund my wedding which is going to be in 5 weeks time and I'm very grateful for that though this was his decision. They literally could have killed him. Hes marrying you. violence isnt just physical aggression against an individual.) Here's a suggestion tell them that you'll invite them back if they tell a cop exactly what all they did, and ask the cop if it was illegal. Very NTA. I feel like the AH because I overreacted and probably couldve compromised for a day. . My question would be why the hell op allowed it to go this far without imposing consequences on her family. By accepting all cookies, you agree to our use of cookies to deliver and maintain our services and site, improve the quality of Reddit, personalize Reddit content and advertising, and measure the effectiveness of advertising. There was nothing boarderline about this it was harassment and they endangered his life on purpose. Get away from your family, theyre even bigger assholes. Hes likely already seriously considered if youre worth the hassle. And really if they do anything else criminal Id consider reporting them. I'm impressed Tim kept trying with these jerks. Perfect response, thisnis what I would say. This is 200% bullying bordering on harrassment and they need to be punished accordingly. If they can't see this then they're sick in the head! So mostly right, and condolences for your friend. Wow people like this disgust me. ^ This exactly. OP why do you let your family treat him like that? NTA and the fact that everybody in your family enables it is so concerning. NTA. And clearly the respect of these toxic males is worthless, and its much more important for OP and fianc to have self respect. Id have slashed every fucking one of their tires. Tbh the fact that they did this shows me what kind of character THEY are and honestly, i would have kicked them out aswell. Or tell Tims's sons their father is "soft" and a wimp? Cut them all off till they learn their lesson. Its also not a prank if not everyone is laughing. So OP is an AH just because her family members are jerks who refuse to take her seriously until she was forced to escalate the situation? Would they be saying that to Tim's family if he had died of a fatal asthma attack because he didn't have access to his inhaler? NTA they gone far beyond pranks are just bullying him now. yes this..I have asthma and have had several severe asthma attacks that if I didnt have an inhaler on hand I probably wouldn't be here typing this. Please review our FAQ if you're unsure what that means. Some of this is actually really dangerous. I know you were brought up to believe this is normal, but it's not. Also tell your mom you didn't ruin the relationship, they did with their attitude and nobody else gets a say, your decision is final and they have to be "man enough" to accept the consequence of their childish actions. You think they wanted to hear he was FOR gender equality? He still went camping with them after months (years?) If youre having children, what will these men do to them, particularly if you have Tims son? Hey, OP - imagine your wedding reception. This wasn't them 'having fun'. for months. Asthma can be fatal, that's not a risk I would want to take. This is not pranking, it's abuse. "What type of relationship does your dad have with your siblings? Those really are best left behind. Actually I'd call OP TA for continuing to expose Tim to this. They're immature little boys who believe they have to pretend to be tough so they don't get laughed at. They disrespected the college boy. I'm betting it's the latter, and I don't blame you for not wanting them there. So no harm in going the legal route. After a few minutes of raucous razzing, you can hand them a small item and tell them they can remove the straws, taking at first only one regular breath, then back to the straw, then one regular breath, alternating for another 10 minutes. Ask them who was going to take responsibility if he died. Theyre just acting sorry because youre making a stink about it. I would consider reinviting anyone who actually apologizes to him, without your prompts. A set of new tires will easily run you $600-$800, that is a very expensive prank and I absolutely would have taken them to small claims court over it. Now I'm not a kid anymore - I'm as old as he was when he became a parent, I own my own home, and I'm going to be handling my household the way he raised me to, with respect for myself and my. dad is so mad and now he's getting mom involved to get me to reconsider this decision. Who slashed tyres as a prank? NTA but uninviting them to the wedding is the bare minimum response. For real. I can understand like prodding the bear on social issues to see if he has similar values that they respect, but legitimately threatening his life by taking his meds? Even if you dont, I think I would be pretty furious at him for being so selfish he would rather potentially die and leave me and our possible kids without a husband and father because hes too afraid to go to a doctor to find out if he has a condition thats actually treatable with simple medicine! Slashing tires isnt a prank. Its destruction of private property and vandalism. This is what I was thinking. You dont hide an inhaler away from someone. Your family is criminally dangerous. Slashing someone else's tires is full on illegal. That's all I think I can say about it without this getting removed, nor does it have to do with the post farther than him being gone. Vandalism of property. Disrespect to him is disrespect to you. Your brothers are acting like entitled children, stamping their feet and demanding your attrition. At this point, I'd be uninviting mom too. This doesn't mean men aren't ignored & gaslit by doctors because they are. Sounds sick to me all around. It's also why women who get married have a lower life expectancy. Jesus. You're siblings are just pissed because now they'll be targeted. They kept calling him slow and soft but he has medical condition (asthma) but they think he's making 'excuses'. reddit, would i be the asshole if i uninvited her? Your fianc doesnt need to prove anything to any of them. So funny! What are they going to do to test manliness? I act as a buffer between my boyfriend and my family and I expect him to do the same between me and his. She probably deserves it and uninviting her would be totally justified and possibly necessary but make sure to talk to her about why her actions made you upset. A place where it's obvious OP is the asshole. Considering that the four closest male relations in her life are all awful people, I think OP's failings are purely because her frame of reference was established at an awful angle by childhood. Honestly, if I were your fiance, I'd have left when you showed through your actions that's it's ok for your family to SLASH HIS TIRES. That's your partner - and your family. Hiding an asthmatic's inhaler is cruel. Theyd call that future MIL bat-shit crazy & possibly homicidal. Last time I bought a full set of tires I spent about ~$800. Absolutely none of this is "good natured fun". And wanted to see if he was "man" enough to go through it without his inhaler, this is so toxic. Tomorrow it will be your son. Putting frogs in people's beds isn't cool either, if someone came on here and said their family kept leaving frogs in their fiance's bed no one would say, "haha good one, tell your fiance to quit freaking out over such a funny joke.". An inhaler is necessary medical equipment your fiance needs, not an accessory because he's "soft". This wasn't a prank. And I would have dumped OP if she didn't support me in making that move. I would cut them off and not look back. I absolutely hate when doctors don't warn you about a scary possibility like that. Being in that environment sounds toxic as hell. What your family have done is abuse, and could have easily led to harm to your fianc. OP is the poster child for NTA. You can certainly take them on trips and include them in the family activities and all that, but always follow the number one rule of life, Don't be a dick. I really hope you make them pay for the tires they slashed. I'd go no contact over this. Their pranks have been unacceptable - in some cases criminal and in the case of the inhaler, something that could have landed them a manslaughter charge in the worst case scenario. This thread has been locked by the moderators of r/AmItheAsshole, Comments are in random ordering and vote scores are hidden. AmItheAsshole Original. Do not invite them to the wedding and time to go no contact. Middle of the night call to wake them up hysterical, "He still isn't back, he isn't answering his phonehave you heard from himwhen do I call the police and report him missing?". Yes! I have to give him props but at least he realized it was going too far. They arent pranksters, theyre abusive assholes. I was so mad at the timing of that because I couldn't do nearly as much as I wanted to on that trip because of that unexpected expense. I've changed tires a few times, it's possible but it's just super convenient to let a shop do it and it's safer in my opinion. What about Tim feels any respect for him? Until and unless they decide to give a heartfelt apology and change there actions I wouldnt consider wanting anything to do with them. He was constantly belittling my efforts, my masculinity, my profession, and my art. What a sissy! Imagine what more they will do now just for revenge. Him not being able to breathe, "Oh look! I never got the impression OP wasnt supportive of the fianc. Who wants to be treated like that for the rest of their life? The doctor in the hospital decided I was just a drug seeker. Right? Have your fianc sit down with the four of them (with you present) and tell them to their faces they are not invited. If he can't respect you/your boundaries he can see himself out. NTA, that's not typical "men stuff", your dad, uncle, brother and cousin are bullies. NTA but you would be if you put your SO in danger again just to play happy families. NTA OP, Stick to your guns. They slashes his tires and you did what? Id take this opportunity to get them out of your life permanently. Exactly. Does he have have a will, advanced directive, and medical power of attorney sorted out? NTA. YTA if you keep allowing this behavior against your guy. NTA all the way. Either hire security or elope. Same here. NTA. if you have any evidence they slashed his tires, report it to the police. Most of us bigger people would have had them charged with vandalism and just stopped engaging with them. I hadnt thought about it in those terms, but that is exactly what they were doing. This is very petty and I dont actually recommend it, but if you really want to ram your point home just be like Im marrying Tim BECAUSE hes not the same kind of man you are lol. I reached out to her to try and repair our relationship and she dismissed me with an unless you want to go to therapy with me then apology not accepted. Jesus. NTA. These men need help. Seriously consider if they're going to do this to your son, and if you want this energy in your life. Stand your ground. My dad taught us how to change oil, mom taught us how to change tires, and our entire lives we helped them with home projects as big as installing a pocket door in our old house. To keep the peace they just put up with it. Shes just found her breaking point to realizing its not and her soon to be husband was the person who showed her. Again, keep in mind him and I have never once hung out one on one just strictly in social settings. NTA. NTA. OP, I'm sorry you grew up in such a toxic-masculine environment. Tim most love you to bits to put up with all this sheee-itte coz Id be gone after they slashed my tyres.you are 100% NTA here your family sound mental. You know they will play a horrible prank during the ceremony. And that's not even getting into how dangerous and stupid their "pranks" were. This was them seeing if he would literally die. not that I fault OP when their family is coming down hard trying to convince OP its just a prank bro. NTA. He could press charges for that. She cussed me out for prioritizing my hateful and cold hearted brothers over my stepdad and showing him that I'm not worthy of his grace which was really really hurtful for me to hear. Completely agree. All these grownass dudes doing this just cannot see they're actually showing everyone how stupid they'd rather be. NTA but that will change in a hurry if you ever expose your fianc to any of these people again. I bet they wouldn't laugh at any pranks that endangered their physical health. So, NTA, and you're totally right in cutting them off. If someone slashed my tires they are paying or i am calling the police.the men in your family are immature bullies. If you don't cut these relatives out of your life, when Tim leaves you, you will end up marrying someone like them. And if I were Tim, I would be reconsidering marrying into your family. Being in a good mood I went on a websearch to add some examples of that having happened. Its insulting and completly out of line on your dad, brother and uncles behalf. NTA, You set a healthy boundary with your family (which is difficult to do) and they violated that. As a guy, this is beyond "toxic masculinity". Not to mention, destroying someone else's property is not a prank, it's criminal behavior. NTA. NTA wtf??? I can't imagine an inhaler being too much different, depending on the severity of the asthma. We know our own families and how to handle them already, so it just makes sense. They arent messing up, they know exactly what theyre doing. Throw away your family for Tim's sake. You're lucky Tim is tje guy he is. Your family members sound horrible, I'm so sorry you have to deal with them. NTA at all. NTA. Thats not pranking. Thats lets see how much abuse we get away with with the new guy so we can keep having fun being worthless bullies.. And why you let things go so far? less likely to seek out mental healthcare, source: 40+ years of experience at the sharp end, and a couple of dozen responses to "Help! I think the inhaler thing was just the last straw. They refuse to even apologize for trying to kill your fiance. See how man enough they are for the legal system. Create a new healthy family. I wouldn't be surprised if intentionally hiding a medical device is illegal too, it certainly should be. Call them out intellectually or use their fear against them they retract. How could one write this and not think they were the asshole. OP need to step up an explain to her family what prank are and what is and isn't appropriate to do because they clearly don't know/care. Trying to punish them runs the risk of them pretending to go along with it as long as theyre forced to, then taking it out on someone (probably Tim) the second they get the opportunity. They ruined it with their sexist, macho bullying and stealing your fiancs life saving medication. You would also be the asshole if you stay in contact with them and therefore subject Tim to further contact with them as well. OP's family isn't awful, they are abusive. I wouldn't. Let them sulk. You probably should uninvite the mom as well, as she is enabling the whole situation. Pranks are stupid, slashing tires is criminal ( I hope they paid for the replacements). Privacy Policy. Timmy also needs to stand up for himself. It eventually got sorted but seriously, what was the point? They seem to have missed the point in their fun that their attempts to test your partner will also have shown him what kind of people they are! If I sat there and let one of my weird relatives bully him, or god forbid, put his life in danger, (say, for example, by hiding an important medical device like an inhaler) hed be fully justified in running for the damn hills. The stepfather cared for her enough to pay for her wedding, take on a fatherly role, be there for her. Hiding someones inhaler - again, NOT a prank. OP needs to go no contact with these Neanderthals if she wants to marry this poor guy. Hell get seriously hurt one day. Saran wrap on the toilet bowl, bucket of water over a door, recorded fart sounds played in a ghostly manner. Imagine what kind of "prank" they would pull at a wedding with a large audience. Redditor aitamumuninvited is a 31-year-old man whose mother did not wholly embrace her future daughter-in-law because of something she did. A couple of the times this has happened it has been a small heart attack. If you haven't already apologized for being such a coward that you let your family bully him to the point of actual danger to his health then I suggest you do so now. You have some choices to make, and your male relations are 100% on the hook for that. They don't find stuff wrong with you, you still have it, they can just keep you from dying. plus she didnt care about me paying 90 so i dont see why shed let me off the hook now. OP has screamed at them to stop, and they only escalated the severity of their hazing. Please dont cave, your fianc deserves to have that bullshit stay far away from him. They've got everything backwards - it's not their right or job to test him. Tell them you could give two shits what they think as they dont matter. Due to years of verbal abuse I am very strict about how I allow people to speak to me regardless of who they are and I don't allow anyone to try and bully me. Fuck that noise. Not only should you uninvite them to the wedding, you should go NC on the entire lot of them! What about them proving to you that they are decent people who love and care about you? Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post. It seems uour fiance has been rejected from the toxic masculinity club. So if Tim had dropped dead at their feet, would they have congratulated him for passing the test? You don't invite your bullies to your wedding. Just they just seem like big bullies to me. NTA. Thats HUGE. I would not have put up with them especially when they slashed my tires. I feel good because after years I have finally set a boundary for myself but I also feel sad because I always imagined my dad being there on my special day. Jesus christ NTA they sound awful. This was cruel. Just a quick reminder to never brigade any sub, be that r/AmItheAsshole or another one. That means OP figured it out themselves. Your mom is just as conditioned as you are/were. I hope her step dad has the good sense to withdraw his financial support from the wedding. Keep them away from your wedding. At my birthday they got me a PS5 last year and a new Xbox this year. Ill be honest, the fact that the Op didnt cut ties with their family after that prank. These are the types of jackasses that don't believe food allergies are real. That's a girl color! You should have stopped this at the very least when they slashed his tires, but even before then, the idea that they need to test his manliness is infantilizing, misogynistic, and toxic as hell. Not everyone here is a native English speaker, so it's a bit unfair to expect everyone to be able to infer tone from a block of text, Yea I got it but tbf it sounds like the OPs family think this was unironically so on posts like these I do think it's more needed than not. You CHOSE him and said here's the man i love and want to share my life and future with, and this is how they treat that love? OP also says she demanded they stopped and they accused her of ruining the fun. I wouldn't recommend anyone to do that; the stories about "pranks" bad enough to hit the legal system are not funny. This type of ban/suspension is issued by the Reddit site-wide admins. Nta. To the siblings, though, it looks like dad hasn't done anything wrong. Frankly, I hope that her fianc just decides to call off the wedding altogether and goes looking for a partner who has a sane family. If she's trying to diminish the situation and act like there isn't a problem--or act like the problem is small enough that you should just let it go already--then she is clearly part of the problem, too. NTA. why would you even want to remain family with a bunch of hazing, assaulting assholes? These are not pranks. Plus wives will send your ass to the doctor. He fights everything that's put in place to help him and rejects the idea that he's actually making things much worse for himself and for his relationships. I cant wait for the AITA because I did not stand up to the bullies in the family and now my husband is divorcing me. He could have died while they played the prank hiding his inhaler. However, when Wife is changing the diapers Husband will often enter the room and insist she smile whilst doing so as it may affect the child emotional state. Don't let his presence tarnish a day that is meant to celebrate how amazing and strong you are. INFO: how does your fianc feel? I have asthma and if someone, anyone, took my inhaler as a joke and hid it, Id cut them off so fast their ancestors would shiver. Learning good boundaries and keeping them is key. I hope they compensated him for the slashed tires! Damn your dad is awful. I hope that they see the error of their ways and apologized to Tim but until then, I guess you might have to go no contact. NTA, but your fiance deserves a better woman. They could of killed him. They are criminals acts and dangerous abuse. They are driving a wedge. Your family for obvious reasons, and you for letting this go on for that long and being spineless enough to not put boundaries earlier.
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